The title of this blog post really speaks for it all, and so does the photograph above. While you may not see what I see in this image, it is there. If you look closely you will see a Dove, a Dove sitting on her nest, waiting for her baby to be born. This Dove gave us Hope, and we have an amazing and inspiring story to share with everyone. We are so excited to tell you that God has blessed us with a baby after a long journey of trying to conceive. We are overjoyed with happiness, and are both so grateful for the opportunity to become pregnant again for the 5th time. The story on how we got to this point and our pregnancy journey over the past several months, I hope is an inspiration to others out there that are struggling to get pregnant and/or that have given up on hope that it will ever happen for them. If I say anything about the story I am about to tell you it is that you should not to give up on hope, to keep trying, keep praying and be still and wait. Our little miracle came after waiting for over a year and yours will too one day with faith and prayer. So here is our inspiring story on how we prayed and had our prayers answered.
It had to have been back in November, after having tried for a baby for 6 months with no luck, Mike and I decided to go to a Fertility specialist to find out if there was something preventing us from conceiving. We both were stumped and confused as to why we couldn't get pregnant on our own, as we were able to conceive 4 other times pretty quickly with two live births and two angel babies. After numerous tests, our doctor came up with no answer. There wasn't anything out of the norm that would prevent us from getting pregnant. They stated we had “unexplained infertility” and that was hard to take in. I almost would have rather heard that there was a hormonal imbalance or something wrong that was fixable, but there wasn’t. There wasn't a reason or a cause, it just was. Our doctor offered us some expensive fertility options to help us conceive but none of them felt right. We didn't think that was the path we wanted to go down, or that we were asked to go down. I knew deep down that we could conceive another child, we just didn't know when. I think we both became very frustrated after all the testing we went through to find out there was nothing wrong with either of us, so we decided to stop trying for a few months and just destress. We coasted through the Holidays enjoying the time with our families, not having to worry about trying to make a baby.
After the holidays I received an impression (and now that I look back on it, it was actually a message from God) that it was time to start trying again. When I say an impression I mean a feeling you get in your gut when someone talks to you. When someone randomly tells you to act on something. You might mistake this for your own thoughts, but its not, its an impression and a message from God. At this time, Mike and I were attending our church and listening to a message being delivered from Pastor Robert Morris on Hearing God's Voice. For the longest time I didn't think I was able to hear Him, or that He never spoke directly to me. However, He does and He has been for quite some time and now that I realize that I am more in tune when it happens to act on it. I told Mike that I received an impression that it was time to start trying again for a baby. He was hesitant to try again, in fear that it wasn't going to work out and maybe our time had passed. I just knew deep down that we were going to have another child. I didn't know when, but I knew it was coming. We acted on the impression I received and we began to try again for a baby.
A few more months had passed, and one day I had an emotional, ugly break down, the kind that brings out the ugly cry where you let it all out. I sat on our front porch in my rocking chair, alone, and was overcome with anger, sadness, and frustration and I just cried. I admit I had almost given up that day on my dream but instead I said a prayer and asked for a sign from God that I had a reason to continue to move forward with trying to conceive. That in the end of all of this sadness, and us patiently waiting we would conceive another child. I sat for over a half hour in silence and waited. This seemed like the longest 30 minutes because I heard nothing. Then the front door opened and Mike walked outside and saw my face full of tears and asked what was wrong. I said I was just sad and that I needed some time to myself. He said okay, and walked over to this big tree that we have in front of our window in our yard and said “Hey, look there is a Mamma Dove sitting on a nest waiting to have her baby”. I nearly lost it, that was the sign I was waiting for from Him. If anyone knows anything about the Bible they know that Doves (and birds in general) have been seen as a symbol of the Holy Spirit and used as messengers of the word from God for decades. Just when I thought my prayers were not being heard, and that maybe I was forgotten, He sent a dove to deliver ME a message. From that day forward I knew we were going to conceive again soon. I kept an eye on that dove in the tree, and watched her daily as she cuddled her egg, until one day it hatched. That dove didn't leave after her baby was born, in fact she stayed real close, and sat on the ledge by my work window and would visit with me daily as I worked. It was yet again another sign that He was always there for me.
That day re-inspired my hope to continue on our journey to have a conceive. I continued to pray, I went to prayer services and had others pray for me, over me and with me. I never felt comfortable before to let others pray for me as I was always the one that prayed for others. I needed prayer, so I let that shame of not needing or being deserving of prayer go and took it all in. Over the next few months I went to more prayer services and heard words of encouragement that I should remain patient and be still. That our prayer was going to be answered but that He is waiting for the timing to be just right, and two months later it was.
A few weeks back, I was in my bathroom, feeling a bit "off" and decided to take another dreaded pregnancy test. I had taken so many of those over the course of the year and they were always negative. Before I took the test I prayed and said “Please God let there be a line this time, let it be this month that it happens for us” and to my surprise it was. There, on my counter lay a pregnancy test with one strong and one barely there, faint positive pregnancy test line. The lines were so faint I could barely see them, but they were there. I nearly passed out as I looked at that test, I couldn't believe my eyes. It was such a happy moment and all I wanted to do was say THANK YOU, Thank you God for this miracle, for answering our prayers.
We never gave up and continued to pray that some day our prayers were going to be answered and they were. We are so grateful and here I sit today 5 1/2 weeks pregnant. It's early yes, many of you would say “well maybe you should wait on telling people in case it doesn't work out”. There is some truth to that, but this time I choose to tell people because this pregnancy is in Gods hands. While I don't know what plan He has in store for us, I do know that whatever the plan may be, it will someday be me holding baby #3 (whether it be with this pregnancy or the next). I have to continue on with prayer, hope, and faith that his plan is going to be amazing. All I have to do is sit back and go along for the journey.
“Faith does not make things easy it makes them Possible” Luke 1:37
“Blessed is She who believed that there would be fulfillment of what was spoken to her from the Lord” Luke 1:45